I don't know if my mom and sister-in-law read the blog much.....they never comment....but if they do, they'll get a surprise here. They seem to be the most interested in this subject with me! ;-D
So, I have it all planned out....I'll get pregnant next fall, and have a summer of 2010 baby. So, my question is....what do you think? Should I wait that long? Renee will be about 3 1/2 at that point. What do those of you who have children that far apart think? What about those of you that have them closer together? I CANNOT wait to be pregnant again....big shock, I know....but I don't know if I'm ready for a newborn. Here's what goes through my head.....
~Should I get pregnant this fall? Renee would be 2 1/2. If I do I better decide real quick!
~We're supposed to take a big trip to Hawaii (my 1st time) with Adam's family, so I'd have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 3 month old.....I guess we could always go later
~I am adamant about nursing....do I want to be tied down (I know it's a horrible way of saying it) for another year and a half? (I nursed Renee for a year, and pumped from when she was about 3 months to 17 months...that's over a year of 30 minutes twice a day stuck to the breast pump!!) Nursing was one of the best experiences I've ever had....but it was SO much work....but SO worth it!
~I really enjoy the freedom of having an independent little toddler, being able to run to the store with only 1 child, going to my mom's, going anywhere!
~A second child could POSSIBLY be our last, but it's TOTALLY not a final decision (sorry Adam)
~I've decided to NOT find out the sex of the next one....how fun will that be?? Adam actually wanted to do this with Renee, but I just couldn't.
~It's going to be expensive having another baby, will we be able to afford it? Will I be able to continue to be a stay-at-home-mom?
~What kind of delivery will I have? I had to have a C-Section with Squirrely because she was breech....so would I have a VBAC (which is risky), or have another C-Section and take the time to heal up from it. I'm sooooo on the fence about this!!
~Amy (sis-in-law), Juli (sis), and Debbie (sis) are all pregnant right now....it would be fun to be pregnant with them!
Oh what to do, what to do......
Please weigh in on this one! Even if you're a friend of a friend of a friend, I need some advice here! Tell your friends and have them stop by and leave me a comment. Megan, I'd really like your sister's input with this. I don't know, she just seems so mature and wise when it comes to kids.....I read her blog and I LOVE it! Though, she always talks about you as if she looks up to you.....so sweet!
Anyway.....comment, email, call me, tell me what you all think!
I had my bestest friend Chelsea's baby, Nico (he's 2 months) on Saturday. I watched him from about 4:30pm to 11:00pm, and that was by myself....Adam was at a bachelor party. He was AWESOME! He's just like Renee was she was a baby, he only got fussy when he was tired. It was SO easy! I think that's why I'm thinking about this so much right now. Renee was SO cute and sweet with him, it was fun.
Loving on Nico.
She even woke up asking for him. She dreamt about him!
ps. this is a leap for me. i really don't like talking about this with people, i get really annoyed, so i'm really stretching myself here.
19 comments:
Ok Shellee this could be long and I might ramble, but this is what I kind-of think about things (ok today, and it might change tomorrow! haha).
I think we can talk ourselves into anything! Julia is now 3 1/2 and Cole is 14months. We are finally at a pretty good stage. When we started thinking about having a second Julia was 18months...perfect stage, thought a second would be wonderful. Then while I was pregant we hit the twos. And they hit hard! But only lasted for a good couple months. Julia was 2 and 4 months when Cole was born and basicly we had a slow year. When they hit two I thought, oh no now I have to get rid of the pacifier, get her in a toddler bed and potty train. Once I let go of all those things it was better, because I had a newborn and those things just weren't going to happen! I worked to get rid of the pacifier and get Julia in a toddler bed before Cole was born and I was happy. Potty training was later...like 2 and 8 months when she started, but I was ok with that. It was hard at first, but I don't think that changes with what age they are it just is a hard transition to two kids. They freedom is not there, but you adapt and we are really happy now.
Yes, I alway think about the vacations and all that too. I think it depends how easy-going you are and how flexible you are. Honestly you probally won't get to enjoy true Hawaii with an infant, but if you don't have high expectaions and you are pretty laid back that I won't be bad, and you will have tons of help it sounds like.
Now with all that said. We are actually thinking of having a 3rd. It might sound bad but I kind-of want to get it over with. Some people think we are crazy and I think we are too! We know that it will be a hard year or two but after that we will have more freedom to do things with our WHOLE family. That excites me!
That was long and probally didn't answer much, but maybe it gives you a little insight how the beginning was for us.
Hi Shelley!
So, here's what I think. I have a 2 kids who are about 6 years apart. I know, big gap. It wasn't planned that way. We started trying when Tanner was 1 and it didn't happen until he was 6. That was a shock to me. I didn't realize it would take that long! But, once the shock wore off and we realized that we were once again going to be parents to a NEWBORN, TODDLER, ETC... we were so happy!!! It is such a different experience having the second one. Amazing! I think that Tanner is a great age to have a little brother, but I do wish that we had been able to do it earlier. I think that the younger they are, they can adapt easier to having a sibling around. Tanner sometimes feels like he is left out and no one cares about him, because he is so self-dependable. I think whent they are younger they still depend on you-a little and don't feel so left out :O)Hopefully this helps otherwise sorry I rambled. :O) Talk to you later and good luck in your decision making.
Thanks girls! Heidi, you made a lot of good points....the whole Hawaii thing....I am pretty laid back, but I'm a nursing nazi, at about 3 months old a new baby would still ONLY be nursing, sure I could pump for bottles...but...also, there's all the extra equipment for 2 kids! I hadn't thought about the 'Terrible Twos'! Yikes! Another thing to consider. Also, you ARE crazy, but I totally understand your feelings of wanting to 'get it over with', but hey, if you as a couple and family can handle it then go for it!!
Tara, that's another things I've thought about, I'm being so anal about planning this....but what if something prevents it from happening, what if we don't get prengnant for a few years, then they'll be even farther apart.
And to anyone else who wants to comment.....please feel free to ramble! I do it too! ;-D
Hey Shellee, I am like your friend Tara, we started trying for a sibling for Jenna when she was 8 months old (I know nuts!) but here we sit 3 years and 2 months later still with no baby. So honestly there is no real 'planning' for getting pregnant, you may get pregnant first try, or it may take a bit. There is no real knowing. As far as having a newborn in hawaii, that would be pretty hard, but you could do it. By the time Renee is 2 1/2 she will be even more independant than now, oh and the terrible two's? Brace yourself, my friend, they are a rollercoaster!! ;o) We have moved out of the terrible two's and into the crazy three's!! Ha ha ha!!
Just think about it you never know your decision may be made for you ;o). Good luck, hopefully my rambling helped a little!
Shelley you crack me up!!
:)
Here is my two cents:
Let me preface this by saying that I love my children more then anything in the whole world, and wouldn't change what I have for ANYTHING.
With that said, I would like to tell you how HARD, HARD, HARD it is to have three babies, all two years apart. It is hands down the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. But also the most rewarding.
When I found out I was pregnant with Daden, now four and a half, I was cautiously excited. Eric hadn't finished school and I was only working part time. We had not planned on becoming preggo.
After he was born I couldn't WAIT to have another baby but I thought there was no way we could afford it. Plus Daden was an extremely needy baby. He was sick a lot and he needed to be held/entertained constantly. But it was no trouble because he was my only babe. He was my partner in crime, we did everything together.
Then I got pregnant with Tessa.
:) ooops again.
Daden and Tessa are two years and one day apart. I was scared because Daden and I were so close that he would feel replaced. But much to my great relief, he loved his baby sister. Not that they don't ever fight, because let me tell you they do. But for the most part they are great buddies.I thought our family was now complete. We had a boy and a girl.
I went back to school thinking that I would finish my degree.
Then I got pregnant with Ryder.
Ryder and Tessa are two years, two months and one day apart.
It took me my whole pregnancy to be happy about having a third baby. Eric lost his job one month before Ryder was born and I was even less happy about having another baby.
But when he was born and I saw my three kids together, I couldn't imagine it any other way.
I actually missed out on a trip to Hawaii with my family last year because I was pregnant, and we figured Daden and Tessa would be too little to enjoy it. But I don't even think about it. A trip to Hawaii, even a free one, cannot compare to the joy of just being with my kids.
Now that they are here I am actually glad that they are so close. Developmentally they are experiencing the same things close together so they can more easily relate to each other.
Only you know what you are ready for. If you feel like it's time, then it is. Don't let vacation stop you. You have your whole life to go to Hawaii, you only have a short window to have babies and still have enough energy to keep up with them.
I say go for it. So what if you start over? isn't it worth it?
:)
Joy, I totally thought of you when I was commenting back to Tara. It really doesn't (sometimes) work out the way you plan it. My friend Mel gave me some good advice, to pray for a clear mind on what the right choice is.....I will do that!
Missy, I know what you mean. Renee was *KINDA* planned, I thought I wanted to get pregnant at a certain time, then when that time came I was too scared, so a couple of months later, it happened anyway. ;-) I feel awful about bringing Hawaii into this decision at all! I feel so selfish. But, it's really something that makes me think about it more.....which is a good thing?
Also, to let you know.....
I'm not asking anyone to make this decision for me/us. It's totally up to Adam and I....but, I just want to see what's it's like for other people to live with children close in age, or far apart in age. I know some people might think I'm wierd posting this, but I'm really curious.
Also, if anyone is wondering what Adam thinks.....well, I asked him last night if he read my blog, he said 'yes', and I said 'well?' He said, 'whatever!', which is why I'm asking other people what they think! I know Adam, and I know that he does NOT care either way....he'd be very happy to get pregnant this year, OR wait until next year....he is NOT helping me with this at all. ;-)
Shellee, I always resented the cancer most because THAT was what was in control of my family planning. I had to wait to have the radioiodine therapy. Even though I probably could have gotten pregnant before that, there are many people who would have killed me. Then, I had to wait another year post treatment to find out if everything was gone. Then, once we discovered all was well again inside my body, alleluia!, my husband had come to the conclusion that he was not ready for more kids. Devastating blow. The idea that something else had taken control of MY decision angered me.
I watched Rae mourn the loss of the closeness she had with Stella when she was pregnant with Ivy but never really understood it. Then, the older Natti got, the more I appreciated the sweetness of the time I have had JUST with her. I actually got to the point where I would cry in anticipation of when it was time to try again because I knew I would be losing my baby, my firstborn, and she would be losing a majority of my attention too.
That said, I always "planned" and wanted to have my children closer together. These first few years may be difficult, but I think they are difficult at any stage, with any number of kids. I looked at it like this; I am not raising a baby, or babies, I am raising a little person. A person who will grow up and leave us, our home, our teachings and be a part of this world, so what will we have given her? One thing that has always been important to me is that they be well rounded. Coming from a larger family, I know how important having siblings has been, and not just that, but that we were close together. With how close both sides of your family are, Shellee, your children will definitely grow up to be best friends, no matter how far apart.
I don't remember who said it, but I liked that one of the girls said the closer the kids are, the easier it is for them to relate to each other in the beginning (and later too) because the developmental growth is so close.
I don't think you are being selfish about thinking about Hawaii too. It sounds wonderful! And what mother doesn't want/deserve a trip like that?? But, if the idea of this vacation wasn't there, what would you decide right now? This is "Family Planning". There is rhyme and reason to it. You are planning your children's future. Think about school. Debbie and I were in school together and growing up, we were pretty close. You and I were 4 years apart and we fought like cats and dogs. We've gotten so much closer these last 7 years because we have been in the same place with marriage and children.
I don't think you are over thinking this, but you might be on the verge! You are planning your family, you are preparing a future for your children, but there may be parts of these choices that are out of your control, as your friends have said.
Natti is very excited about the baby, but I do wonder what will happen if it is a boy when she wants a sister so badly. I think she will be mommy's little helper at 4 yrs old, and she is pretty self sufficient. I will be able to focus on newborn care.
Soooo.... I LOVE the time I have had with Natalie, getting to know her, having time with just her, but if I had been able to decide, I would have become pregnant sooner.
I think that any decision you make will have a good side and a hard/bad side. You just have to decide what 'hard' you are willing to accept in order to obtain the good part that you desire. Am I making any sense? I really wanted my kids close together. They are instead 2 1/2 years apart (I wanted them REALLY close in age) and now I see so many benefits to the extra months of separation. They aren't as close developmentally as I thought I wanted, but it instead allows me to parent one child at a time, taking them through different stages at completely different times. Adding another baby, whether it is in 9 months or two years will have different challenges and different advantages. I look forward to hearing your decision about all this!
man, i haven't been over here in eons and i felt like i just read a chapter book of comments. fun! :)
my two cents (and i'll try to keep it short) is that closer is the way to go. we were planning to space our kids about 3-4 years apart and then we got prego with lulu when stella was only 8 months old. in hind's sight, it was the best thing ever. at the time, i immediately scored a prescription for zoloft and cried into the half a glass of wine i alloted myself each week. i was a train wreck.
the idea of stella being still so little and my not being done with her infancy was so painful and as jules said, i mourned.
now that stella is almost 4 and lulu is a few months past 2, i can say with confidence that i'm thrilled with how things worked out. our family is complete and i love seeing the girls together. stella looks out for ivy and ivy makes sure she's got an eye on stella. they really are eachother's other half.
i know hawaii is a huge deal to you and i completely understand that (and agree that it's a completely valid point in this decision). however, you're a dedicated mama and you'll nurse no matter where you are. things are so much easier the 2nd time around. it really starts to feel like second nature to whip out a boobie in a public space. you do it without even realizing that your boob, belly and back are exposed.
just remember to not plan too much... that takes all the fun out of making a baby!
Juli, you and others who have wanted to try, or tried and tried again, make me think deeply about this....and almost feel bad. You know, like the crack heads that have 6 babies all addicted to meth, then there's the poor woman with cancer, the woman who just cannot get pregnant....for no good reason.....etc. Why am I being so anal about this? I mean, YOU don't make me feel bad, it's just the whole situation. Also, the thought of not being as close to Squirrely as I am now.....I just couldn't imagine. I think it would make me feel closer to Renee though...like I would enjoy her even more for the big girl that she is, but assure her that she is my baby girl! ;-) The question about Hawaii....well, I don't think it would make a difference whether or not we were going, it would still be a hard decision. I actually talked to Adam about it last night, and he said if we did have a baby next summer we would NOT go to Hawaii (with a 3 month old). Maybe we could wait another year or 2 and go with just us, or another 5 years and go with kids? ;-D
Megan, you totally made sense! They will be far apart enough (if it's next summer, or the summer after) that I'll have to parent one at a time.....which seems like it would be easier.....I'm glad we don't have twins in our family!! I feel like Renee will be great with a new baby no matter how old she is. I think I'm realizing that I just enjoy the toddler years so much. I mean I LOVED the baby baby stage with Renee, and I thouroughly enjoyed it and made it go slow, but I just enjoy this time so much more! I know it will be hard to do it all over again...with a toddler.....but there will be a good side! The end result! I guess you'll find out in a few months (or more) what we decide! Ha ha! ;-)
Rae, I kinda' feel like because I'm (uh, trying to) plan this I'll take it pretty well. I'm sure I'll be sad (like I said in response to Juli), but I'll also be sure to enjoy the sweet time I have with Squirrely! And I know, I'm trying NOT to plan too much, I'm really trying not to be too anal.....but, well, I guess I am anyway. ;-) Ha ha
So, Amy kinda' put it into perspective for me....as has everyone else in their own way.....she asked what is it I'm most hesitant about? Well, the baby baby stage! It's HARD, nursing, lack of sleep, crawling (oh that was stressful for me with Renee, we have 3 animals and I HATED that she was crawling around in their hair and dirt, it was GLORIOUS when she started walking), taking care of another at the same time, staying home alone with 2 kids....I'm sure you (with kids) understand, and if you only have 1 right now....you know what I mean!! So, Amy kinda' made it clear to me.....it's going to be hard no matter WHEN you do it....if it's next year or the year after....it's going to be just as hard...it's almost like Melissa said, it's like I want to get it 'over with', though I don't. I want to enjoy it, but that baby stage is just hard. But oh man, how awesome it'll be!
I've noticed a lot of comments about the fear of losing the closeness and bond you have with your firstborn. This is something I've heard from almost every mother I've known in their second pregnancy. I had the same fear, but amazingly it seems to work out that your heart and body and mind can find the love and strength you need for every child...without taking away from the other one. It's one of those wonderful human qualities. As is the ability to adapt to most situations and challenges that come our way, planned or unplanned.
I think that any child you bring into this world will be an incredible blessing...and a major challenge. There's no getting around the fact that raising children is difficult, no matter how far apart or close in age. I just don't think there is any way to plan the "perfect" family. I know people who have tried that, and wished they had done it differently. And others who had families far different than they ever expected and are truly happy. And vice versa.
Myself for example: My boys are 6 years apart and have different fathers. But my life couldn't be more perfect now. Jaydin is blessed to have 2 dads who love him and Nico is blessed to have parents who are truly happy together and a WONDERFUL big brother. I can already see the love for each other in their eyes and in Jaydin's actions. Even though I never would have planned my kids this far apart in age, I think it was meant to be. To have one self sufficient, self entertaining 6 year old when Nico was born made it SO much easier on us...not that a newborn is ever EASY. I hear ya there...hardest thing I've ever done...twice.
So, my final thoughts are: you have a hard decision to make, but I really feel like you can't make the wrong decision because once you have that baby you will never be able to imagine it happening any other way. Your family will be perfect no matter if its perfectly planned or a perfect surprise.
I love you Chels! ;-D Thanks for your thoughts!
Shellee,
God gave you a husband who loves you, who knows you better than all of us now. He is the one God gave you in your life to trust and depend on for these hard dicisions. He is there to protect you and provide for you and he does a great job. What does Adam say? Does he say wait or try for a baby now? If he says "whatever you want to do" then ya, it's hard to know exactly what to do. But if he says "now, or later (wait)" then it is nothing to worry about trust Adam he is the leader of your family for a reason. The hard part is when what he says conflicts with what YOU want. When that happens you should give up what you want and love and respect your husband and trust him. You will worry less, regret less, and be more at peace. I know this from experence. You are going to feel stress and frustration with everyones oppinion on what worked for them. Their ideas are good and helpful but if you want to do what God wants you to do look to Adam. 1 Peter 3:6 teaches us that Sarah did what her husband said. She obeyed her husband to the extent that she even called him lord!! It goes on to teach that if we as believers follow Sarahs good example we will be doing what is right without being frightened by any fear. Don't fret over this. what are your fears? Don't fear the details just trust Adam he is a great husband. Put your eyes on him and not on all your worries and fears. Again, if Adam is saying "whatever you want" then you need to sit down with him and tell him you need help ( he allways helps you when you need it) express all these things to him and then wait for him to decide. When he decides TRUST him no matter what you fear!! Now Adam you need to be willing and ready to lead her and tell her what you think is best for her and your family even if she won't listen to you. But I don't think that will happen from what I have observed Shelly respects you and will listen to you. I believe she trusts you. I love you Shellee these are happy decisions because Children are a gift from the Lord so it's ALL GOOD!! Good if Adam says now and good if Adam says wait. There is no perfect plan. Man can make his plans but it is the Lord who directs his steps. As Adam follows God by leading your family and protecting you and doing what is best for you, you follow Adam as you would follow God. Ephesians 5:22-24 Shell, get your Bible out and read that it can give you peace if you are willing to accept it . Look closly at the last two words " in everything" That includes this baby decision and all other decisions we as wives fret over. I love you, Diane ;)
Thanks Diane! And you're totally right! I just wish Adam COULD make a decision! ;-) He IS wishy washy right now, he doesn't know what to do, and can't make a decision. That's what's so frustrating, I ask him his opinion, and he's like 'Whatever'. I'm sure we'll talk more about it in the coming weeks, and make a decision soon ('cuz, if it's this fall to get pregnant, then we need to decide!), so I guess you'll all find out this winter whether or not we're pregnant! Ha!
Yo.
I did not read everyone's advice so my opinion would not change. Here's what I think. If your heart is saying, "I want another child" then do it. You are at a perfect spot in your life and your little girl will be such a big helper! I hear little girls like to play "mommy" she can get diapers, help baby bathe and snuggle and play. It is a perfect time to take a baby to Hawaii.....they just sit there... you will enjoy Hawaii with baby or without...I think you should take that out of the weighing pool. I am so happy for you to continue growing your family. I have loved being a mom more than anything. You are awesome!!! and having all cousins close in age?? GET GOING! It's so much fun!
Ha ha! I LOVE your spirit Amy! You're just so happy and 'out there'. ;-) Thanks for the thoughts!
my two cents now...i found your blog through faiths:)
i am pregnant with my 3rd and my other two are about 2 1/2 years apart, and this one will be that same spacing as well. i actually wanted the 2nd and 3rd closer together but god had other plans for us:) my thoughts are that it is all a matter of perspective. god views children as a blessing, and our world doesn't. i never thought i wanted more than two, but when i started really praying about it and letting god have control, i felt the strong desire to have more. my husband and i both have had to come before the lord and really see what his plan is for us. i encourage you to do that. just remember how fast the baby stage goes...good luck!
Shellee-
Long, log ago i posted a commnet (or attempted to) on this post but as I am going back through, i don't see it. This seems to be something that happens more than occassionally when I comment - its as if my computer hiccups and doesn't allow the comment to be logged in. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I DID, in fact comment, even though you may have never seen it. And by now, I imagine you have had plenty of wisdom come your way and don't need an additional comment on the issue any longer. Hope you are well!
Jenne
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